I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
