college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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