you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
