why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
