I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I love you.
Bad choice
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
