we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
