i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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