2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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