I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
