tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
