I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
