JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
