Your mouth is God's brothel.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
