You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
