Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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