Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
