Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
