the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
