google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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