You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize