You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize