So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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