i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
