Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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