And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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