I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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