I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
