I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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