Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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