so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
