She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize