Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
