1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
