I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
