The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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