My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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