I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
