Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
