Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
im drinking this country out of the recession.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
