I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
