If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
