Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
