New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
