Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
