So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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