well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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