Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
