So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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