No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
