She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
