Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
