My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize