I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
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when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
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Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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