Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
