How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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