Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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