# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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