Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
