Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
