So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
