I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
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med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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