the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
