just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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