3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
