We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
