either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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