I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
