Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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